I Have Always Been A Rebel: Freewill and Omnipotence

Black Widow Spider
I have always been a rebel.

Ever since I was young I wanted to figure things out. I always asked why. I was inquisitive about everything, but I was especially fascinated with nature. I wanted to know what everything was. I have a bookshelf full of nature fields guides and natural science books I collected as a kid. Knowledge felt powerful to a powerless child.

I caught a black widow spider in a jelly jar when I was in first grade. I caught lots of animals as a kid. I made a traveling zoo with my red wooden wagon by filling it with jars full of all the creatures I could catch. I took it around the neighborhood and asked people to pay me to see it. So yeah, I thought every black spider I caught was a "black widow."

But one fateful day in first grade, while lifting up the paving stones in my mother's garden searching for specimens, I was able to catch a small shiny black spider that actually made my dad take a second look. We checked my Golden Guide, and the real spider in the jar looked pretty much like the painting of a female black widow in the book, but we needed to go to the public library to make sure. I showed the spider to the librarian, she helped us find a book to look it up, and soon my dad took possession of the jar.